HABITS

I have been thinking a lot about habits. Over my lifetime I have tried to establish many habits and I have tried to instill good habits in my students and my daughter as well as myself. However, I am beginning to think that some habits cannot be established, i.e. a person will always have to exert will and decision and not expect the desired virtue to become automatic.

There probably is truth in the Myers Briggs categories. For instance, children who have been trained for years to make up their beds, put away toys, etc. can still be very messy adults. They do not "see" the mess until it is huge and it does not cause noticeable stress for them until it reaches disaster level. Others are more sensory and cannot begin to study or start a project until things are in order. A neat well ordered person may say that they were trained to that behavior, but I suspect that they just have the same inherited trait for neatness. Another example can be seen in adult obesity. I am beginning to believe that there is a very strong genetic component to body composition, weight, and hunger issues. I think the intuitive eating programs which depend on a person becoming a "normal" eater do not work because the naturally hungry or overweight person must always be mindful to maintain a 'normal' body weight. I have seen children who were adopted have a completely different attitude toward food from the rest of the family. One mother I am thinking of raised two birth children and later adopted two girls from birth. One of these girls has been overweight from preschool through a young teen. All the rest of the family is thin. An older sister when pregnant did not carry any extra body fat and was back to her original size in weeks! The mom told me that she was shocked that she couldn't leave the candy bowl out like they had done for generations because of this child's obsession with it. And the other adopted girl raised in the same environment is extremely thin.

My thought now is that if I want to work against what is natural for me I have to not focus on too many changes at once. I have tried elaborate plans in the past: Bible reading schedules, house cleaning charts and plans, weight loss and exercise programs. In all of these categories I have found that I tend to overreach. Perhaps the answer is to pick one simple thing to do and do it daily for 30 days. Maybe it won't become automatic but it should become easier.

I also have to accept the fact that I cannot change someone else's behavior or make their habits for them. That does not mean that parents or teachers shouldn't establish house rules. What is the truth about training? I am not sure. I am thinking now that about all we can do is show someone the way, the path; but since we all have free will, decisions and all changes are an individual matter.